9 Advantages of Being Single

I’ve been single and I’ve been coupled throughout my entire life. Now, after two divorces under my belt, I’m not in a rush to get into any type of situationship, coupleship, or marriage. I'm not interesting in dating. I’ll never say never to anything, but for now, I’m happy to be single and not super ready to mingle. My earlier years were much more focused on trying to find a partner, whatever I thought that meant. It was easy to do, as I had much looser requirements than I do now. Romantic relationships seemed much more…romantic back then. Now, they seem relatively exhausting and frustrating, and frankly I am not up for the challenge of what they seem to present at this stage of my life. I’m writing this as a woman in my mid-40s, so I’ve been through quite a bit with another person in tow - men, in my natural preference. I’d equate many of my experiences to Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, which has been discontinued at Disney World. The ride made you fear for your life, and finally spit you out at the end feeling ragged and scared. I now understand why single people want to stay single people, so let’s get into the advantages of being single. There are many.

We always want what we don’t have. It’s just the way of the human being. If we’re single, we want the relationship. If we’re in a relationship, we envy our single friends for their freedom. What gives? I’m not completely sure how to make sense of it all, but what I do know is that where I am right now, single and child-free, is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. It’s come with massive growing pains, tears, acceptance, and lots of surrender. Through all of that, I’ve created a life I’m very proud of, and one that lets me be at ease every single day of my life. My life has exponentially improved since my 40s in general, and it’s come with a lot of hard work. Being single is part of that, and I’m excited to share how it’s benefitted me. I’m not simply existing and waiting on a guy to come along. I am living. Living a robust, peaceful, joyful life, and I am really happy. It doesn’t seem to get much better than this, though I’m always open to improvement. For now, we’ll keep diving into singlehood.

Happy and Single

To me, being single is simply being on one’s own and not depending on or committed to a partner of any sort. By no means, to me, does it mean alone or lonely at any or all times. Samantha Jones from Sex and The City is the perfect example of a perpetual single person. She may be a bit more free loving than I, but she has the idea of living it up as a single woman. There is an independence about many of the single people who I know, and they are not looking for someone to fill a void that they may or may not know they have. To be single is not to be independent of all human relationships. For this context, I will mostly be speaking to the people out there who are single and content with their status. It’s not to say that things wouldn’t change if the “right” person comes along, but for now, things are good the way they are.

As I am deep in this world of being single, and several of my close friends are as well, I have a good pulse on the advantages of being single. There are many, and so many that many of us don’t want to disrupt this status for fear of losing our peace. In my friend group that I’m pulling most of this data, we range a couple of decades in age, all been married and divorced at least once, and are living robust lives supporting ourselves and carving out lives we are all proud to live. There’s no way for me to go back in time and un-know what I know, or undo what I've done, like not being married ever, so this is written from loads of experience and dozens of relationships in the span of over 35 years for myself. I’m very happy to share with you why I enjoy the benefits of being single, and other positives that come along with it.

Travel is Yours

Even as a married person, I traveled solo, but not at the rate I do now. Now that I’ve gone alone on trips domestically and internationally extensively, it’s hard to think that having someone in tow would be more fun. Even traveling with friends can be precarious if you tend to have a clingy one who won’t exercise the independence she was given. A great alternative is solo group travel, which gives you the opportunity to explore on your own or as a group as much as you want. Why travel solo? Travel is one of the most evolving things a person can do in life, and going it alone once in a while will catapult anyone into next-level.

Your House is As Clean As You Want It

It’s nothing short of orgasmic to go to sleep and wake up with a house in the condition you chose to leave it. I have this little exercise I do with myself with so many things, dishes being a big one because I hate them. Before deciding to leave them for tomorrow me, I ask myself if tomorrow me will thank now me if I do them, and the answer is always yes. So, I do the dishes and wake up to the most amazing and clean sink. My bed is made, my clothes are put away, candles are lit, and everything is just as it should be for me. Oh, and most importantly, the toilet seats are DOWN. 

Creativity is Open for Business

When we’re involved with another person, particularly as a woman, we are tending to them constantly. It’s our nature to nurture. There doesn’t leave a lot of room for us to get creative with ourselves. Add children to that mix and I would imagine the quest for creativity is virtually, if not actually, impossible. We tend to lose ourselves in our roles when we are in outside relationships that depend on us. So in our single life, we can get really creative. Decorate our houses the way we want, cook with ingredients that someone else might have hated, and taken those boudoir photos we always want to get of ourselves. Maybe start that book club like I did! I’m just throwing out suggestions, friends. 

Discover Who You Really Are

Here’’s the thing, my loves. Life can go by in a flash if we don’t stop and smell the blooming jasmine. Before you know it, you’re on autopilot doing the same thing, rinse and repeat. You're not thinking about why you’re doing things or what they even mean. Because many of us in my age range were brought up to cater to others physically and emotionally, you tend to not have a clue as to who you are or what you stand for. Staying single long enough gives you the chance to find out just who that beautiful soul is. Knowing the difference between being in a relationship, even one that was pretty independent, and being single, I can assure you that you’ll never know yourself the way you do until you’re fully single. And that’s a rockstar thing to know. You have so much discovering to do, and you are the prize. Embrace the time you have with yourself, and treat yourself like the queen or king you are. 

Develop Amazing Friendships 

My relationships with both male and female humans has grown in quality ten-fold since I have been single. Because I have more time to spend with people I genuinely adore, I have the time to nurture relationships with these people, and vice versa. My friends are rock solid. They are people I cherish to the core, and people who I desire to be more like. Some of these friends are single, and some of them are partnered, and if they are partnered, they are in (what I perceive to be) healthy relationships. Gone are the days I hang around with dysfunctional people. No single people got time for that. 

Mentally, You’re Really Powerful

Taking the time to nurture your mental health is something I’ve deep-dived into as a single person. Some of the ways I tend to myself for my mental health are by doing yoga, going to therapy on a regular basis, hiring a life coach, and taking a long run. Ha! Kidding. I hate running. But the other stuff, I absolutely do. Reading has become a very regular activity in my days, and I don’t wait around until I have free time. It’s become something that I have integrated into my daily life, as reading keeps you sharp. One of my favorite genres is self-improvement books, so it’s like a masterclass with every book. Check out my list linked!

All Financial Decisions Are Yours

There’s little more liberating than getting to make every financial decision in your life. Sure, it would be nice to slough off the bill to someone, but there’s not much gratification in that. To be able to not have to discuss with anyone about where funds should be allocated is such a clutch part of single life. After my second divorce, I hired a finance coach to help me figure out how to invest certain monies, how to save certain monies, and how to spend certain monies. I’ve been riding on a cloud ever since, and I haven’t felt strapped for money since I did that. And I have a very fluctuating income. I love being able to spend and not spend my money on what I like. It makes me feel like a badass more than almost any other part of being single. 

Free to Move Around

This is a big one for me, as I am planning in my not-so-distant future to make a big move across the pond. When I was married, I announced that at some point in my life I would live in Paris, and I meant it. However, I had to check in with my person, making sure he was good with that decision as well. Now, I am years ahead of my original “schedule” and my plan is to move over there as soon as a few things happen that I am making sure happen as I write this. Your move doesn’t have to be international, but hey, it could be. Maybe you want to move out of the city you live in, you’re single, and you can now. Go for it. My original move was to a different city, and that changed my whole life for the better. I’m ready for that again. Dream big and take action.

No Unhealthy Conflict

I’m an advocate for healthy conflict. Going toe to toe with someone is not something I shy away from, but there are limits. When you’re in a relationship where either one person always acquiesces to the other or you’re always fighting, it’s just not good. I’ve been in all kinds of these situations, and at this moment, I am thoroughly enjoying my peace from other people. What I didn’t realize is how my external conflict would become inner conflict, and now I am digging deep into my own self to resolve things that I would’ve otherwise ignored or shoved off for an indefinite amount of time. Conflict can be good, but identifying what’s healthy and what’s not is much easier when you’re on your own.

Endless Selfies with Pets

Being single, particularly happily single, is a privilege, if I may be so forward in saying that. We as a society have placed this odd stress on being coupled with someone, and frankly it’s not a reality for most of the people living out this lifestyle. From a twice-divorced woman, I assure you, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, this relationship thing. Particularly unhealthy ones. Even the healthiest ones have their problems. So, my dears, if you are reading this and your’e single, there is much to be happy about and so many ways to enjoy it. Here are some tips on how to enjoy being single.

Be Playful and Curious

One of my favorite things to do as a single person is engage other people in public to be silly and fun with me. I’ve been known to walk down city streets and high five people passing by just to give them something to smile about. I’ll photobomb people’s pictures to be playful, making all of us laugh and striking up conversation. If I see something in common that someone has with me, I’ll ask them about it. I’m a question-asker, and culturally some people don’t know what to do with it at first, but mostly people like it. When you realize that people love talking about themselves, it makes it easier to engage. And hey, you never know who you’ll meet when you do these things. It could be the love of your life. Be playful! Be curious!

Find the Joy in the Daily

Many days I forget to just enjoy my life. I’m so focused on production and doing and writing and doing all the things that I don’t remember I’m in charge of my life. No one else (except my own self) is expecting me to outperform yesterday’s version of me, and that is exhausting. Yes, I am ambitious, but part of being ambitious is figuring out how to be enjoyable and to enjoy as well. People live their whole lives unable to find 30 minutes in a day to do something “just for fun” and that’s something as a single person I get to focus on for myself. It makes me a much better person for myself and for the people around me. Ironically, I get more done when I step back, too.

Adventure Awaits

When you’re single, the whole world can be your oyster. You can drift and frolic and charge forward as much as your heart desires with no one monitoring you. Again, not every coupleship involves monitoring, but let’s be honest, many do. When you’re free to be you, the immense amount of adventure is at your fingertips. That painting class you always wanted to take? Take it. Sitting at a bar and eating by yourself? Do it - no one is even paying attention. A blog you want to start? Start it. Want to start therapy? That’s an adventure and gift that keeps on giving. As a single person who is always looking for my next adventure, I adore being able to just do it, whatever “it” is. I ask exactly no one’s permission, and I love it.

You’re Your Biggest Investment

When I’m referring to an investment, I’m not only talking about money. It’s included, yes, but investing in yourself is something that helps you understand just how worthy you are in this world. For me, this has looked like so many things. When I was going through some major life changes (divorce and moving) I decided to hire a coach. At the time I hired her, I had no idea how I would pay for her services. The act of investing in myself with a coach came with financial reward, and I was more than able to pay for her. I showed myself that I was worth it, and the universe rewarded me. The money came. It showed me I can do things when I decide to make that investment in myself. It’s a powerful thing and you’ll get much out of the challenge.

Be Kind to Yourself

This is something I am really really really working on right now for myself. I grew up in an environment where nothing I did was enough, so now I treat myself that way. I’m relentless on myself, and it results in some pretty scary outcomes. The one that shook me to the core was thinking I was having a stroke (turns out it was a panic attack) and I decided I needed to deep dive into being kinder to myself. I’ve reframed things so that it’s not so militant, so rigid. While my structure and high expectations of myself get me far in life, they also wear me down. No one is going to give me a prize at the end of my life for being the harshest critic on myself, so I’m rewriting that book even as I write this. It’s a constant work in progress, but being single has allowed me to focus completely on my own needs and show up much healthier to myself and all who surround me. It’s kind of epic.

Enjoy the Best Company - YOURS

I’ve been an advocate of spending time alone for much of my adult life because I’m somewhat of an introvert, possibly an ambivert. Some (most) people-ing exhausts me, so I recharge by myself. There are people I know that absolutely hate being alone, and I suppose it’s hard to sit with yourself if you don’t like who you are that much. Being single allows for the time and space to sit in that discomfort and start to build strategies and tactics to start enjoying your own company. My blog on “things to do alone” is a great resource of how to be alone and *gasp* enjoy it. I’m telling you as someone who has come to be low key obsessed with my own company, it’s really awesome. And I go anywhere I want because I’m not waiting on anyone to go with. Whaaaaat.

I Know How to Have Fun!!

Being single is awesome. There is so much positive to it. From the health benefits to the independence to the discovery, it’s really a fantastic way to live, even if it’s temporary. There is so much excitement around finding a person you can call your own, but I want to take some time and acknowledge the people who are single and happily single. You’re killing it. In a society that pressures marriage, partnership, coupleship, and not being alone, I applaud you. Hell, I applaud me, too. We’re living our best lives, and I’m proud of us. I won’t hold it against you if and when you find someone to love, but for now, let’s have some fun being single.

If you liked this blog, you might also enjoy: Becoming the Main Character in Your Life.

Subscribe to my amusing, informational, and fun newsletter that comes out every other Friday by clicking here.

Some of the links may go to my affiliate account. If you purchase from one, you're helping me grow my business. Thank you!