Ways to Find Your Authentic Self

Finding one's authenticity, or one's authentic self, is something that many people spend their lives searching for. In a world filled with comparison (particularly through social media) and pressure to fit someone else's definition of success, it sometimes feels difficult to separate who you really are versus who the world expects you to be. Learning how to find your authentic self is less about becoming someone new and more about uncovering the truest version of who you are and have always been. It takes digging beneath the expectations, working through fears, and quieting the noise of outside influences.

Regardless of what you're navigating, whether a major life transition, ending a relationship, changing careers, or simply feeling disconnected from yourself, becoming more authentic can help you make decisions that better align with your values instead of living in the ones that others have placed on you over time.

In this guide, I'll share what it really means to be your authentic self, why authenticity matters, and practical ways to reconnect with the person you want to be and know you are. It's a journey, and one that takes time and practice.

Have you ever felt like you're living a life that you were "supposed" to want instead of the one you actually want? Do you even know what a life that you want looks like? You may be far down a path that you've simply done what is expected of you, and now you're at a crossroads of wondering if you keep going or take the fork in the road and go a different direction.

It's ingrained in many of us to meet other people's expectations from early on in life. Our parents, teachers, and peers put ideas on us that we adopt, losing who we are through no fault of our own. It could be choosing a career in law because "we come from a family of lawyers" or thinking you're not creative because no one acknowledged your talents in that realm. We inherently want to please people around us, but that comes with the consequences of abandonment to our selves. We lose who we really are and think that's acceptable.

One day, we may wake up and realize the life we're living is not for us, and we want to do something about it. The great news is that you're not starting from scratch. Often we have glimmers of evidence that we are artistic, or daring, or entrepreneurial. With a little excavation, we start to uncover our authentic selves and become a person we actually recognize. It takes a willingness to question things about how you're conducting your current life, and understanding what matters to you. Remaining open and curious is key, and you might discover someone you really like and enjoy.

A Good Starter Book to Finding Your SELF

Try New and Different Things

Opening yourself up to new and nuanced things is one of the best ways to assist in finding your authenticity. If you live a life where you rinse and repeat, you're living on a merry-go-round of sameness, and it's impossible to discover possibilities to the you that lives inside. I've never been afraid of trying out new things, from SCUBA diving, learning guitar, becoming a pet mom, and traveling the world solo. What I've learned about myself is tremendous, and I never would have gotten to the level of depth with myself that I am now had I stuck with my comfort zone. Get uncomfortable and get to know yourself.

Journal Regularly

One of my biggest life hacks for myself is journaling. 99.9% of all days, I write in my journal. The advantage that I have is that I can go back and see ways that I am still stuck and ways that I have changed, for better or worse. It gives me a lot to chew on, and I love knowing that I show up for myself each and every day, giving myself space to be completely honest on the pages. If you're not into journaling yet, I'd suggest it as a good place to start to find the real you. You'll be surprised at what you discover.

Invite New People into Your Life

New people give a fresh perspective to your life. I'm very experienced in this area, as I'm not afraid to invite newcomers into my world. If my initial vibe is a good one, I don't hesitate to reach out and form a friendship. The results have been stellar, and have taught me so much about what I stand for, the types of people that I invite to stay and ones that move away from. If I stayed only with people I am familiar with, I would never get these opportunities to see where I've grown and what I want out of myself and the people around me.

Embrace Silence

My brain is anything but silent, but I do have things that I do in life to quiet it a bit more than its normal nonstop hamster wheel. If you can find things that give you some time away from television, social media, or whatever else brings distractions, it will greatly benefit you. My main way is going to a chapel near me with a journal and writing. Some other ideas are yoga or meditation. Quiet your mind, and the answers to who you are will come to you.

Travel Solo

When you are completely alone on a trip with no one to ask opinions or questions or chat with about, well, anything, it makes for an expedited way to get to know yourself. I've grown to treasure each and every trip I have by myself, and I learn something new each time. You don't have to go across the world to travel solo. In fact, I have often gone an hour or two away to get away from the noise and be with myself. Nervous? Start small and go to a dinner by yourself, and build up the muscle. Soon you'll be rivaling my travels!

Hire a Coach or Therapist

People that are anti-outside help make me nervous, and rightfully so. I believe that we cannot see everything when we are living in our own lives, and gaining outside perspective is extremely important, particularly by unbiased parties. Our friends and close ones love us and don't want to hurt our feelings oftentimes, but getting someone to show us how we operate and think objectively is a huge benefit to owning exactly who we are at that moment, and then it gives us the opportunity to grow from that. Seek out a good one for you, and you'll surely discover more of who you really are.

A Friend I Met Later in Life

It's taken me a long time to figure out what it means to live in my authenticity. I work on it every single day, scanning and searching for things that make me feel comfortable and good or uncomfortable and not good. It means living in alignment with your values, beliefs, morals, and personality rather than what other people have handed you over the years. What it does not mean is that you're always sure or confident or that you are fixed the way you are. Alternatively, it's about constant change and openness to your own progress and making choices that reflect who you are over what you think you're supposed to be.

It's easy to wake up one day realizing that you've been living a life that isn't yours because you've been conditioned to please others or fit into a mold that never belonged to you. This journey is not about reinvention; it's about coming home...to you. Authenticity evolves as you grow. I am not the same person I was even a year ago. Clarity comes with curiosity and action, and it's important to have and do both. It's exciting to see how you change from one year to the next.

Sitting in Silence

I will attest that living authentically positively affects every area of your life. When your actions align with your values, you tend to feel more confident, make better decisions, and build stronger relationships. Rather than living according to someone else's definition of success, you begin creating a life that genuinely reflects who you are. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but practicing will help you build this muscle.

It Builds Confidence

Confidence grows naturally when your choices reflect your own values instead of trying to earn approval from everyone around you. The more often you trust yourself, the stronger your self-confidence becomes. I wrote a piece on ways to feel more confident.

It Helps You Make Better Decisions

When you understand what's important to you, decisions become much easier. Instead of asking what everyone else would do, you begin choosing the path that aligns with your own priorities. I've done some really hard things in my life because I knew it was right for me and was able to drown out the opinions of everyone else.

It Creates Healthier Relationships

Authentic relationships are built on honesty rather than pretending to be someone you're not. When people know the real you, they can form deeper and more meaningful connections. I practice this even more now than ever because I don't want to waste my time or anyone else's being performative for someone else to like me.

It Reduces Stress

Trying to meet everyone's expectations can be emotionally exhausting. Living authentically removes much of that pressure because you're no longer trying to maintain an image that doesn't feel true to yourself. I've often said I'd rather be alone and at peace than in chaos with other people.

It Leads to Greater Fulfillment

Many people spend years chasing success that doesn't actually make them happy. Living authentically allows you to define success on your own terms and pursue goals that genuinely bring you joy. The definition of success is subjective, and it's next level to know what you define as success rather than what society, a parent, or what peers are defining it as.

Solo Travel! 

Getting to know yourself can feel intimidating, especially if you've spent years living according to other people's expectations. But the truth is, wherever you go, there you are. There's never going to come a day when you escape yourself, so you might as well enjoy the person you're spending every minute of every day with.

Distractions can keep you busy for a while, but eventually, you're left with your own thoughts, your own values, and the life you've created. The more honest you are with yourself, the more freedom you'll have to make choices that truly reflect who you are instead of who you think you're supposed to be.

Living authentically isn't just a gift you give yourself. It's a gift you give everyone around you. The people who genuinely care about you don't want a polished or people-pleasing version of you. They want the real person beneath the mask.

The world deserves to know who you really are, but more importantly, you deserve to know who you really are. So stay curious. Ask yourself the hard questions. Give yourself permission to change, to grow, and to choose a life that feels true to you.

We want to spend time with the you-est version of you.

If you liked this article, you may also like my article on how to make friendships better or ways to feel more confident.

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