Why Is Self-Worth Important

It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I started to deep-dive into what self-worth actually is. I heard a woman named Jamie Kern Lima on a podcast talk about it, and the difference between self-confidence and self-worth. My reaction upon listening to how she spoke about it was visceral, and it set me on a path to discover my own sense of self-worth. So many of the decisions I have made throughout my life are a direct result of having a low self-worth, and while I had no idea how I was going to fix it, I knew that I was absolutely going to fix it. And by fix it, I simply mean develop a stronger internal sense of self-worth.

Since the time was going to pass anyway, I figured I may as well figure out what my baseline was and where I could improve it to have a stronger love for myself. After decades of not feeling worthy of much, I was sick and tired of living like that and wanted more. I wanted to like and love myself without feeling like I had to earn it or prove it to others or myself. That is what self-worth is, and I look forward to sharing more of my own experiences with you around it.

There are are so many reasons why self-worth is important. And I made every typical decision in life that would reflect a person with low self-worthiness could make. As someone who is recovering from low self-worth, I am going to speak as openly and personally as I can so you know that you are not alone. Often I have felt alone in this area of my life, like I was the only person who didn’t think I deserved better or more, who could never be satisfied with her accomplishments. It’s a sad place to be, and I wish it upon no one. That’s why I wanted to write this.

Feeling worthy is something that, I believe, is a right during our time on earth for each person. The importance of feeling a sense of positive self-worth is monumental to every part of your life. It is a piece to the puzzle of life that we don’t focus on enough. And I want to scream from the rooftops that we need to pay more attention to this. We will all be better for it, and I can’t wait to share more with you.

Worthy of Taking Myself to London and Sipping Tea in My Robe

As Jamie points out in her book WORTHY, self-worth does not equal self-confidence. The two are very different, though I believe are a powerful duo when you have both. Self-worth is relatively simple to understand, yet wildly difficult to implement if you don’t have it and aren’t aware of how to achieve it. I want to blow your mind, especially if you are similar to I am. If you think that you have to do things for people to love you, to be certain ways, to act accordingly, then you have a self-worth issue. And it was probably imposed on you at a young age.

Self-worth is knowing that you are worthy of anything good without having to earn it. You are simply worthy. (🤯 <— me when I was trying to understand this concept.) As I’ve gone down this path of figuring out how to let myself feel worthy, I’ve had to make some big changes. And I can confidently say that these changes have allowed me to grow my self-worth. It’s not perfect, but it’s way better than it was, and that’s a lot. So let’s keep going. You deserve this. We deserve this.

Well, to me, it’s everything. I’ve chosen abysmal relationships because I thought it was as good as it gets. I’ve stayed in rotting friendships that needed to end ages before they did. Staying in pathetic jobs that made me feel like gum on the bottom of a shoe? Yes, that was also me. Am I being dramatic? No. This is really the way my life was at various points. What I did have going for me was curiosity, and I knew that if I wanted to rid myself of this life that I did not consent to any longer, I needed to ask questions. I asked them of myself, to myself, and to people around me.

My name for myself is “little scientist” because I began to experiment with learning how to help myself gain more self-worth. What I knew was that it didn’t look like the life I was living, so how could things change to get to a place I was proud of and eradicated negative thoughts about myself? This is why self-worth is important: because you learn to love and accept yourself just the way you are. Imagine that world. Can you? It’s a beautiful world in which you can live.

Getting a baseline for your self-worth is important if you want to know how to improve your overall life on this earth. Your whole life is shaped by your self-worth. Yes, you may be able to achieve things because you’re good at them or know how to do them. But to sustain these things? To feel really good afterwards? That’s where the self-worth comes into play. There are a few reasons I would identify as being the most important to knowing what is your self-worth. You can go through them to see where you land in each category.

It Shapes Relationships You Accept

When I tell you how embarrassing it is to reflect on the low level of respect I have had for myself solely by looking at past relationships, I am not even kidding. The type of relationships I’ve tolerated because I didn’t think I was worthy of love in the purest sense is something I’d rather forget. But I won’t because I want to make sure I help others by sharing these stories and beliefs I once had. Now that I’ve worked on improving my self-worth, the caliber of my relationships has drastically improved. This goes for friendships and romantic relationships alike. Most importantly, I know it’s better to be alone that to be around people who treat you poorly. And that’s due to my elevated self-worth. 

It Controls Your Inner Dialogue

Whether your self-worth is high or low, it’s talking to you. I have had a complete psychopath inside of my brain telling me the most horrific things in my life. That psychopath has since gotten gagged and beaten and silenced, as I no longer have room for that voice. Because of the work I’ve done on my self and my self-worth, I can speak kindly and sweetly to myself more often, just the way I would’ve loved to be spoken to as a child but wasn’t. Re-wiring my inner dialogue has given me the ability to be the kind and loving person to myself that I am to others. And wow, is it amazing!

Rejection Becomes Redirection, Not a Reflection

Can we give it up for my ability to make sense AND rhyme? Truly, regarding rejection, you understand it’s not personal when you do the work around self-worth. You realize that external factors have nothing to do with your greatness, and others’ opinions are simply about them and not you. Because I’ve worked in sales much of my life, I learned early on that it’s not a personal dig at me when someone says no. However, not all of us have my thicker skin. And I want to assure you (with the thinner skin) that when you get rejected, it only means something better is coming. That much I can guarantee, even if it takes longer than you want.

You Trust Yourself the Most

After realizing how instrumental self-worth is, you are able to quiet the noise around you and trust yourself so much more. Your instinct becomes something you know you can rely on because you know that it’s you telling yourself truth. When you improve your self-worth, you get to become the most important voice of reason, and that is a really special place to be. There were times I would listen to strangers over my own self. And I can assure you those days are over. A friend and I were laughing the other day when I was asking advice because she said “you know you’re going to do what you want to do anyway.” And I absolutely love that for myself because I ultimately know myself the best and what I need. Magic.

Your Identity is Not the Outcome

When you realize that your identity, the who-iest who of who you are, is not linked whatsoever to any certain outcome, your self-worth is stable and in check. When it’s not, anything that happens, whether it’s someone cutting you off in traffic or getting laid off from a job, feels personal. In one of my favorite books called The Four Agreements, one of my biggest takeaways was not to take things personally. You can really only achieve this when your self-worth is high. This is something that has been profound for my mental health and my ability to be unbothered. 

Hanging up My Old Self to Become My New Self-Worthy Self

Social media - the wildest measure of who we are, and the most inaccurate. I’m on social media. Not a lot like some people, but everyday I’m on a social channel doing something - usually for work or light entertainment. What I know about social media is that enough of it can wreck your sense of true self, and that is the opposite of what we’re trying to accomplish here in this blog. I’m guilty of letting it affect me, too. So I’m speaking to you from first-hand experience. However, I am secure enough in myself at this point to not take it to heart too much and know when to cut myself off from it. I’m much more focused on my own operations internally and externally because I’ve watched too many people place too much emphasis on other people’s lives. And let’s be honest: the lives we all post are not the lives we actually live. But that’s hard to keep in mind as we are scrolling.

I was having a conversation with someone recently who said a friend of hers “fixes” every single photo she puts on social media. How do you find yourself if you won’t even be yourself? Where is your self-worth if it’s located in the Paris filter, complete with blemish control and teeth whitening and straightening? Yikes. Maybe it’s partially my age, and maybe it’s because I really just don’t care about what other people think *that* much, but that seems exhausting and performative. Perfection doesn’t exist, and the best I strive for is to be perfectly imperfect in this world, whether in person or on social media. There’s only one you, and I would encourage you to embrace that you to the core. Let’s get this self-worth show on the road. You’re amazing. We want the real deal.

Building your self-worth takes time and effort. Unless you have it or are familiar with it, this is something that (speaking from experience) is to be approached with curiosity and experimentation. Become a "little scientist" like I did and figure out how to gain total self-worth. The effort and gain is worth it, and you become a version of you that is unstoppable. You’ll step into this realm as someone you didn’t know existed, and that person is nothing short of spectacular. The world needs more of these versions of humans, and I’m here to support you through it. Let’s focus on some tips to build your self-worth as an adult. It can be done - I have done it. If I can do it, you can.

Things Are Neither Good Nor Bad

When you get a compliment, yes, be grateful, but also try not to get an inflated head. It’s nice when people notice your good looks or your good work, but it’s external. The same goes for insults or perceived negative events. Separate yourself from external validation or criticism and start to listen to yourself. When I get dressed in a cute outfit, I know I look cute. When I’ve done a bad job at something, I know I have before anyone tells me. Know yourself, know your baseline, and move through that accordingly.

Question Negative Self Talk/Thoughts

One of my biggest challenges for myself is the way I think to and of myself. The level of criticism can be so harsh that I have actually had a friend tell me she wants to defend me TO me. When she told me that, it jolted me into realizing how awful I treat myself at times, and it inspired me to dive deeper into my self-worth journey. Part of this stems from growing up with the type of parents I did and the way I was criticized repeatedly, and I now turn it inward. To others, I can be loving. To myself, I can be abusive. Start to notice your thoughts and how you speak to yourself if this is how you are, too.

Begin to Trust Yourself

How does one start to trust oneself? Start to do things that you promise to yourself. As an example, I wanted to become a “morning person” so I decided to set my alarm at 6 am one day. I woke up when the alarm went off and kept the promise to myself that I would be a morning person. Years later, I’m still a morning person and I set no alarm. I’ve given myself that gift of trust and know I’ll follow through for myself. My younger self and my older self both thank me with these acts of kindness and trust. Start small and keep your promises.

Set and Keep Boundaries with People

Many of us rely on the people we’ve always been around to be our support system. As you dive into self-worth, you may find that some of these people are not the ones who you’ll choose to have stick around for the long term. Many people I’ve been friends with and are related to have chosen to leave my life (or have gotten the boot) because of simple boundaries I’ve asked them to respect and they didn't. When you value yourself over the comfort of others (AKA self-worth) you realize that others may not care as much as you thought. My encouragement is to not sell yourself out of your own peace to accommodate someone else’s. That is the opposite of self-worth.

Choose Your Environments Wisely

When I tell you I am neurotic about who I’m with and where I go and with whom, I am not kidding even a little. I’ve narrowed down environments for myself that I thrive in, not perish in. There was a time when I would forsake myself for the comfort of others, go around people that treated me poorly, or stay places I knew I wasn’t even welcome. Who I was in my most authentic form was not welcome, and I still would go and shrink. As I gained more self-worth, that nonsense stopped. No way was I going to give up being me for someone else. Those days are over, and they will be for you as your self-worth grows.

You’re Simply Just Worthy

Sometimes (ok, most times) we think we have to "do" to feel like we get to do something nice for ourselves. Perform. Achieve. Accomplish. I’m here to tell you that if you want to go get your nails done, just go. You need absolutely no other reason except you deserve it because you’re alive and worthy to go. I struggle with this to this day, but I’m getting better at it. When I travel, I often think I need to make it a work trip in some capacity. I recently realized that I need to go to places I have no interest in writing about just so I can completely unplug and relax. Forcing myself to do nice things for myself is what it may take now, but one day I’ll be able to go somewhere and just be. You can, too, and you most certainly deserve it. You’re worthy.

Celebrate YOU!!!

I’m going to say this until I can’t type it anymore. You are worthy. You deserve to have the most self-worth. And I want it to happen sooner than later. My hope is that you are inspired by this post if you find yourself lacking in any way, and that my own struggles with self-worth that I’ve shared with you help you know that you can overcome this.

When I say “if I can do this, anyone can” I’m not exaggerating. I never thought I’d be living the life I do and thinking as positively about myself as I do now. It’s taken work, it’s taken effort, it’s taken experimenting and trial and error, but it’s evolved drastically. It’s worth it. Self-worth is worth the work. Don’t spend another minute putting it off. Your whole life will elevate because of this work you do, and I can’t wait to hear how much more at peace you are in your own skin. You deserve it. You’re worthy.

If you liked this blog, you might also like the one I wrote about ways to feel more confident or the best books for self-improvement.

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