How To Tell Someone You Don’t Want To Date Them

Right now, as I write this, I’m in my mid-40s, divorced twice, and not at all in the serial dating scene. And not on dating apps. I’ve been on them, felt utterly disgusted by them, ingested a lot of data around them, and gotten off of them completely as a result. It’s not to say that I haven’t met men that I’m interested in dating because I have. In fact, as I write this, I’m involved with a person I met in the most adorable and serendipitous way, and it was (gasp!) in person. And in Paris, no less. It took me some time to go further than friendship, though, as there are many obstacles that come with this particular relationship. In fact, when he originally asked me if I was interested in more, I said no. Ruining a perfectly good friendship was not what I had in mind, so it was an easy out. Then I realized I was throwing the baby out with the bathwater and went for it. Going on a bad date one too many times can do this to you. Enough about me, though. Let’s see how to turn someone down, as clearly and kindly as possible.

How to Decline a Date from a Friend

Let’s start here since I already started to tell you about my experience with a friend asking me to be more than a friend. When this happened and I originally didn’t want to go past friendship with this person, or be with this person in a romantic capacity, I simply told him that no, I wasn’t interested because I valued our friendship far more than a romantic relationship. That wasn’t a lie, and it still holds true despite us eventually choosing to be romantic. If you truly don’t feel like your friend who is asking you out is the right fit, then by all means tell this person in the kindest way possible. If the person takes it poorly, then you weren’t going to have a relationship anyway and I would suggest moving right along. People come and go, and that’s just a fact.

How to Decline a First Date

This is probably the easiest type of date to decline because there are no stakes in the game yet. Spending time together has not happened most likely, and you realize that you don’t want to go out with this person. You can probably even send a quick text message letting the person know it’s not going to work out. If you’re on the dating app, unmatch the person or ignore. That’s what I've done! It doesn’t take much to say no to a low stakes situation. Always be mindful of the other person’s potential reaction, as some people do not like rejection. Otherwise, it’s a no for me.

How to Decline a Date After Saying Yes

So you felt pressured for some reason and said yes to a date with a person. Or maybe you were excited to say yes and found out some egregious stuff about them. Whatever the case, you always have the right to change your mind. I’ve done it and will continue to do it when I feel like my original yes needs to become a no. When you’ve decided you don’t want to go on the date anymore, you could be honest with the person about why, or you can just simply say that you’re not going to be making it. Don’t give room for the person to argue, and don’t negotiate your true feelings. You have the right to change your mind - I’ll say that again. Changing your mind is 100% acceptable for anything in life, especially for not wanting to waste your time.

How to Decline a Date Over Text

Isn’t this the norm now? Don’t we all say yes or no to dates via text message? Saying no to a date is far easier via text than over the phone or face-to-face. Although, when I grew up, cell phones were not in existence so it was either a phone attached to the wall where everyone in your family heard your conversation or in person. Sometimes the less intrusive and embarrassing was in person, but now we have it easy. A quick text saying no thanks, and if you need to, a block. It’s easier to place those barricades up more and more, and you’re within your rights to be as short and direct as you want to be.

How to Decline a Date from a Coworker

I’ve been in this situation many times, and it’s always so uncomfortable, especially if you’re not feeling the same vibe as your coworker. You may have a general policy for yourself around this, as I have developed. One that states “no shitting where you eat.” There’s nothing worse than trying out a relationship and it going south, only to have to face some bitter man (or woman) child on the back end. If you lay out some boundaries for yourself on the front end, you’ll save yourself much grief. This is an area I learned the hard way, and very early on in my career, to boot. No dating coworkers! Unless you really want to…

How to Decline a Date from Someone You Meet Out

This is one I'd tread carefully with, especially if you're alone, and extra especially if you're in a situation where there is alcohol involved. If you're female and a male asks you out, whether you're alone or with friends, can be really uncomfortable. I've been in the situation myself and it can always be touch and go. Generally I'll be polite, tell them thank you for the interest, and hope they go away. If not, I'll create a reason to move locations in the establishment or leave altogether. Never is it worth sticking around to find out if someone is bold enough to continue to escalate, as I've learned with age and experience. There are plenty of places to hang out, and being safe and comfortable is the most important.

You Might Fall in Love Back!

There is something flattering about getting asked out sometimes, but sometimes (many times) nowadays it’s just more of a burden. I like to be ready to easily turn down a potential bidder so that I can make it simple and quick. There’s no need for someone to think no means yes, or resort to begging, or having the whole situation turn into an awkward nightmare. When the right person comes along to say yes to, if that’s what you desire, you’ll probably know. Until then, it’s just a no for me. Thank you and goodbye. There are too many advantages of being single after all.

If you liked this blog, you might also like my blog "Not Interested in Dating."

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