How to Have a Better Mindset

How You Perceive the World

As mentioned earlier, mindset affects how you move through life, so you really want to make sure that you’re deliberate and intentional with the way you think through things. Our initial response, feeling, and emotion might be old programming, but we can always take a beat and correct it. I’m going to share how your mindset affects your life so you can see why it’s such an important piece of your being.

How You Talk to Yourself

For me, this has been the most challenging part of my journey. I have so much grace for the people I surround myself with and care about. To myself, I can be downright mean. I was jolted into realizing this when a friend once said “I want to defend you…to you.” It made me realize that I needed to do better to and for myself. The constant criticisms I received as a child do not need to be my inner talk. No, I can leave that behind. And I have done a much better job at it now. It can be done.

How You Perceive Failure

My famous saying “fail fast” is something I actually think is a good thing (because it is). Many people grow up thinking failure is not acceptable. But I ask you: how do you learn if you don’t fail? When did anyone become better because they succeeded all the time? Failing is one of these things that needs to be re-written into our brains. It’s actually quite positive when you think of how far you get when you fail, recover, and move on.

How Your Relationships are Shaped

If you’re always looking at the negative side of life, who do you think is going to gravitate towards you? Typically other negative people. Remember that the five closest people to you are the average of who you are, so choose carefully. Be one of the ones who lifts your close ones up, not drags them into misery. Positive thoughts are sometimes difficult in hard situations, but I am positive that you are capable of seeing the good in things.

How You Stay (or Don’t Stay) Motivated

To have motivation even when you can’t see why you should still have it is a skill. It’s one I have developed through being an entrepreneur, for certain. A lot of faith goes into yourself and your work when you’re building a business you don’t know very well. However, when your mindset is clear, when you know that things do work out, your motivation can stay higher than not. It’s a gift to be able to keep going, despite feeling like you want to quit at times.

Reading with the Best Company

Earlier I mentioned that you can absolutely change the way your brain thinks. Your mindset does not have to be fixed, and you can change that negative outlook to a positive outlook if you so wish. It won’t happen overnight, but it can, in fact, happen. I am living proof of this. I’m a very big advocate for gently helping others see that there might be a different way of perceiving certain situations. Let’s see which areas are good first steps.

Inner/Self Talk

When you catch yourself outright abusing yourself, let yourself acknowledge that thought, and move on to a second thought of less criticism. You don’t have to go to an extreme, just something that doesn’t make you out to be as bad as you think you are. As I said, this has been my most challenging piece of this. I work on it daily. DAILY!

Responses to Setbacks

There are sayings like “rejection is redirection” and I have totally sipped from that punch bowl. And shamelessly. I’ve seen way too many things happen in my life that turned out to be a gift that I originally thought was a catastrophe, and I am now a believer.

Daily Habits are Possible to Adjust

So many of us think that we are who we are, and that’s that. Not true. Most recently, I got sick of myself talking about my weight gain, so instead of hearing myself complain one more time, I did something about it. I now simply count my calories. I didn’t eliminate all my favorite foods, I just ate less of them. I’m not hungrier because I was over-eating. Voila. My daily habit has been modified, and I did that all on my own. You can, too.

Your Expectations are More Realistic

This goes for yourself and for others. When you have out-of-control expectations of yourself or others, you are just setting yourself up for misery. My rule of thumb is that if I am able to do it, I do have the right to expect it from others, within reason. We are not all the same, and we are not all in the same place. Give some grace, and you’ll be much happier for it.

Release the Control (a Little, at Least)

I’m super into control. I like to know how things are going to go, where my life is headed, and on and on. What I’ve realized is that being a control freak is good for exactly no one, particularly not me. I’ve worked on this endlessly, and am still working on it. You need some control in your life, but be reasonable. Remember: when you tell God your plans, He laughs. Set goals, make plans, and try to go more with the flow when they don’t work out.

Making S'mores with My Amazing Friends

Let’s get busy with just how you’re going to improve that mindset of yours, shall we? This is something I know if you’ve gotten this far into the blog you want to know how to do, so let’s do it. It’ll take some effort, of course, but what good things don’t? Here are some great tips on how to get this ball rolling.

Pay Attention to Your Thoughts

People are naturally geared towards negative thoughts. So if your first thought is negative, don’t sweat it. Most of ours are. Paying attention to the next thought is the good stuff. Trust me, I’ve gone down misery rabbit holes more than I want to say, but I have really tried to bring myself back to something more positive, or at least less negative. It works.

Reframe Negative Thoughts

I get into a cycle sometimes where I cannot see the positive in the perceived negative thoughts I am having. However, when I allow myself to step back, I see a glimmer of hope many times that allows me to reframe the original negative thought. Even if it’s delusion, I don’t care. It helps drag me out of the doldrums of negativity.

Focus on Progress and Not Perfection

As a recovering perfectionist, I am very guilty of wanting things to go exactly as I planned. What I’ve realized is that perfection is a myth, and unless I want to live in a world that is not reality, I need to let that idea of perfectionism go. It’s very helpful to your mental health, and it allows you to be less rigid and self-destructive when things don’t go the way you planned.

Choose Consistency, Not Motivation

When you are consistent, you are going to win. As I write this, I had almost no interest in writing this blog today. My commitment to myself and my consistency won out, and here I am: producing another great blog for you to read. It’s not about perfection, motivation, or anything else. Stay consistent, and you will get where you want to go.

Have Supportive Humans Around You

One of my biggest flexes in life is taking the time to meet, foster, and surround myself with humans who want to see me win, and vice versa. They let me complain, and they let me express myself. At the end, though, we always come back to how good we have it, even if it’s just acknowledging our friendship in that moment. When you can find people who you deeply connect with and allow positivity, it’s magic.

It’s a Long Game

Changing your mindset is a long game. I’m in my mid-40s, and I joke all the time that I’ve spent the better part of my adult life un-f***ing myself from my family of origin mentality. However, I’m committed to myself and to the process. I let myself fall down, cry about it, and then I pick myself back up, because it’s worth it. Stick with this, and you will love yourself for it.

This is a question that can only be answered by trial and error, and by effort. For some, when they decide they are going to do something, they just do it. No hemming and hawing, no mulling it over for weeks. They just do it. Others take some time to adjust. We are all unique, and all built differently. What I can tell you is that it’s totally worth the while, and you will be a much happier person for this mindset shift if you choose to embark on this path. Your quality of life will improve, and things will fall into place more easily. Whether it takes you 16 false starts, or you manage to see changes in the first week, you’re doing great. You have made the change already because you’re acknowledging it needs to happen. So, keep going, know you’re worth it, and start making those little changes, one by one. I’m right there with you.

If you liked this blog, you might also like the one I wrote about why is growth mindset important or how to set boundaries with friends.

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