Are Dating Apps Worth It?

Dating apps are strange, and that's putting it mildly. From what I can deduce, most single people have tried them, deleted them, promised themselves they'd never use them again, and re-downloaded them days later because they got bored. They've become a popular way to meet, though much of the publicity around them on social media documents how miserable of an experience people have. It leaves me scratching my head and wondering: are dating apps actually worth it?

The answer, to me, is both yes and no. I've met some interesting people on a couple of different apps I have been on, and occasionally keep in touch with one or two. Others I know have formed full-blown relationships, meaningful connections, possibly marriage, and experiences that would never have happened had it not been for the apps. On the flip side, they can also be exhausting, confusing, repetitive, and emotionally draining.

After seeing with my own two eyes how dating has evolved, and in my own experiences with and without apps, dating apps are much more nuanced than they seem. I'll dive into my thoughts around them.

I don’t think dating apps are inherently good or bad. They're simply tools, data, a means of connecting. Your experience is going to lie heavily in where you are in your life. It's going to reflect how clearly you know yourself, what you want, and more. If you think every match might be "the one," you might be sorely disappointed and get turned off quickly. Approaching it as a scientist gathering data about yourself and others will take some of the high emotions out of it, and you might just have better luck with your finds.

Something to watch out for is allowing these apps and the people on them to shape how you feel about yourself, as in, your self-worth. A match does not mean a date, a forever love, or a soulmate. Having a bit of chemistry via text is not emotional intimacy - I found that out in an interesting interaction with a guy. A charming person for a few days doesn't mean someone is capable of a healthy relationship. And hey, this could be you I'm talking about. Only you know.

With all that being said, there are some cool and kind people on dating apps. I think and speak fondly of someone I met and connected to in another country, and we got to know each other over months before meeting in person. Occasionally we reach out to each other, and I love that I had a good experience with him. He may not be my forever person, but he is a person I'll forever have some connection to, regardless of how frequently or infrequently it is.

How I Feel After Being on Dating Apps for too Long

There's nothing wrong with giving a dating app a whirl. You might be at a point in your life where you're open to meeting some new people, and you have the bandwidth to spend some time creating a profile and sorting through others'. It's an opportunity to meet people you likely never would've met otherwise, particularly if you work or travel a lot, or are generally a hermit (like myself).

The key is to go into this venture with an open mind and realistic expectations. Matching with someone whose photo is attractive to you AND aligns with your desires and needs can feel like finding a needle in a haystack, so be sure to know that patience is sometimes the name of the dating app game. Remember that this is not your whole life or your job, and it's just a piece of what you do each day, or week, or however frequently you are on there. Don't forget about yourself, your career, or your friends and pets while exploring these apps and the people on them.

There are pros and cons to trying dating apps, and I'll share a few with you.

Pros of Dating Apps

• You can meet people outside your normal social circle (if you even have one)
• They’re good for people with busy schedules
• Many people genuinely do meet serious partners online
• They allow you to connect with people with similar interests or lifestyles

Cons of Dating Apps

• Dating/swiping burnout is very real
• Some people are inconsistent or emotionally unavailable
• Ghosting is common
• Apps can sometimes make connecting with people feel superficial or repetitive

In essence, a dating app is a mobile application designed to connect people who are interested in forming romantic, casual, or sometimes even platonic relationships. Unlike traditional dating websites that require logging in through a browser, dating apps are built for smartphones and often use features like swiping, geolocation, and instant messaging to create quick, user-friendly experiences.

Some might define it more as a time-suck, a way to make people commodities, and an easy way to judge humans in ways that are most unhealthy. Picking a potential partner by swiping is, to many, rather icky and something lots of people don’t want to be part of. You have to know if it's right for you, and how you approach it will make all the difference of how you experience it.

A Popular Dating App Photo

Dating apps can feel overwhelming quickly (this is hugely the case for me), especially if you spend too much time on them or become emotionally invested too early. The healthiest approach is treating dating apps as a tool to meet people rather than treating them like your entire job in life.

A few things I’ve learned:

Don’t Spend Hours Swiping

I give myself a certain amount of time to swipe or x or whatever the app suggests to yay or nay a person. Spending copious amounts of time will drain you, so limit yourself early.

Move Off The App Fairly Quickly

Texting only tells you so much. If someone seems genuinely interested, meeting in person or at least video chatting usually gives you a much better sense of compatibility.

Pay Attention To Consistency

Actions over words are my motto when it comes to ANY relationship. Consistency, communication, and follow-through tell you far more about someone than a witty profile or a few decent conversations.

Don’t Ignore Red Flags

If someone feels emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or confusing early on, pay attention to that instead of trying to rationalize it away. Early dating should not feel constantly anxiety-inducing. I even had a guy that was too invested, and that was a major red flag. He was fantasizing about way too much way too early - no thank you.

Keep Your Real Life Intact

Use dating apps as a compliment to your already amazing life. Continue prioritizing yourself, friendships, hobbies, work, travel, and the parts of your life that already make you feel fulfilled. Abandoning any of this leads to dark places, so remember the balance.

My Most Popular Picture on the Apps

This is a totally subjective answer to this question about whether or not dating apps are worth it. My experience is that they aren’t. I’ve also got a relatively quirky and outgoing personality that permits me to meet people in the wild. Culturally, I know that talking to people is positive and meeting people in real life is more my speed. When I realized that my mental health was suffering because I knew I was getting swiped by looks alone (many guys admitted they only looked at the photos and nothing about me), I was turned off.

With some effort, I know that we can all meet people in person if we simply make the space to interact. Yes, it takes effort, and yes, it’s more enjoyable, and yes, it can be uncomfortable at first. What I also know is that there is much more gratification in the in-person meet than the swipe, and that’s from years of experience.

Of course there are benefits to everything, even if it’s only learning lessons that are meant to be learned. Nothing is meant to be a forever fix, so dating apps are there for the taking and then designed to be deleted after some point. That’s my belief, anyway. The amount of time one could spend on them is quite extensive, but I will definitely highlight the positives that I experienced on dating apps for you below. Hopefully they're not laced with too much cynicism.

Larger Dating Pool

Like I mentioned earlier, I wanted to see if there were people that I was missing. I’m not a person that is always out, as I like to be at my house quite a bit, so I thought “why not?” Joining a dating app wouldn’t take away much and it would show me all that I was missing. When I did “relocated” myself to Europe, it was a much more enjoyable experience, so that did work well. Otherwise, I can’t say I was missing out on a single person.

Confidence Booster

Originally I thought that by all these guys liking my profile it would give me a sense of confidence, and it did a little. I’m also not someone who needs a lot of external validation to feel good about myself, so others might get more from this than I did. However, the number of men who were interested in me was quite fascinating, and I did enjoy it for a bit. Until I didn’t. It just got old because many were like ogres.

The Choices

The number of choices of people on dating apps is tremendous. All kinds of people sign up on these things in hopes of meeting someone that will make their dreams come true, whatever that dream is. In the short time I was on the dating apps, I had guys hit me up with all kinds of hopes. It was utterly fascinating. Have I said this already?? The ones who were direct were my favorite, even if it wasn’t going to result in a meetup. If choices are what you’re after, it is a good space for that.

Low Stakes

If meeting people is difficult for any reason for you, this is a great way to dip your toe in the pool of people to see what’s what. Maybe you’re a painfully shy person, or you work constantly. This would be a great way to see if there’s anyone out there that piques your interest without having to work super hard for it. A few swipes here or there are not going to consume you, unless you’re addicted to the swiping, of course.

It’s a Love Story

We all want it to work out, right? The hope of meeting the right person is there, despite the painful process of getting to that person. When you match, you feel this exuberant sensation in you and wonder what your life is going to look like when you get married and have your babies, or your pets together. It’s totally normal to want the love story, and that is precisely why you want to join a dating app. I do hope it works out for you that way, too.

Cheers to Finding Your Soulmate

Dating apps for most people are pretty easy to use. Knowing how to monitor yourself and put the phone down is the real clincher. When I used them, I got addicted to seeing how many dudes were “pining away over me.” It was equally as gratifying to swipe left and never give them a chance. How could I? I didn’t know them! Apparently nor would I ever, with that attitude. Using the apps can be a discipline, though, as I found out, and the more understanding and education around them you have, the better. Like any other phone application, they can be addictive and mindless, and also steal your soul. Let’s see some best practices on how to use them.

Be Clear on What You Want

One guy I saw in the Paris location was really hot. So hot, I thought he might be fake. Since I was going to Paris, I swiped him, we matched, and then he made it clear he was only interested in a hookup. Since I was not on the same page, I told him I was so grateful for his honesty and wished him the best in hooking up. He told me if I changed my mind, I knew where to find him. My point: just be clear. Don’t waste your time or the other person’s.

Quality Over Quantity

The frenzy of the swipe can really get you and get to you. Even for someone who is pretty self-confident and stable, the process weirded me out a lot. Some guys would match with me, then un-match with me. Others would leave messages that made me squirm. There were only a couple that I enjoyed talking to and becoming friends with (yes, just friends), and while I realized it was a numbers game, I also realized even those guys weren’t worth all the effort I was putting into it.

It’s Not You, It’s Them

You are not the problem. In fact, the other person is not the problem either. We are on these apps, trying to qualify people to go out with, and it’s just kind of dumb. It’s not natural, and it feels like you’re being used and abused, put through the wringer. Don’t let the feeling of rejection of a stranger affect you in any major way because you don’t even know the other person. Try to write it off as a “them” problem (or at the very least an "app" problem) and move on. I had to also learn this.

Know When to Put the Phone Down

Scrolling endlessly is a nightmare. Swiping endlessly is a nightmare. If you don’t pump the brakes on yourself or stop after an allotted amount of time, it could get to a point of burnout, which isn’t good for anyone. I would let myself look at them for 15-30 minutes a few times per week, and if I caught myself sneaking more I deleted the app from my home screen. They are that addictive. What if I missed “the one?” Ugh. Seriously?

Trust Your Gut

If there is someone giving you creepy vibes, listen to yourself and don’t ever doubt it. Vet people as much as you can before meeting them in person. I’m talking about more than an ick - an ick is something that we could most likely look past if we were reasonable humans. People who make our skin crawl or make us feel unsafe are what we’re looking out for here. Be safe. Period.

How I Feel After Dating Apps Part II

Unfortunately I don’t know what the best dating apps are because I only got on two in my entire life. Even before the apps were a thing, I never did online dating. My experience is limited but also very data-driven. I pay very close attention to people who are in this world and experts on the dating apps, so I know I can speak on this topic with certainty.

My best advice is to do your research on the app that you think will best suit your needs and desires and try it out for a month or two. We all know the usual suspects: Bumble, Hinge. Tinder. Past that I honestly don’t know many more, nor do I want to. But hey, Google and ChatGPT can help you in this department.

If you’re wondering whether someone is still actively using dating apps, there are usually a few signs that can give you a better idea. This is common behavior of people who have something to hide or keep secret, so just keep an eye out and notate any suspicious behavior.

Their Communication Is Inconsistent

Someone who disappears frequently, responds sporadically, or only reaches out when it’s convenient for them may still be entertaining multiple conversations online. Consistency usually matters more than chemistry in the early stages of dating.

They Avoid Conversations About Exclusivity

If someone avoids defining the relationship or becomes uncomfortable discussing commitment, they may still be keeping their options open. Not everyone moves at the same pace, but clear communication is important. Don't be afraid to state exactly what you want, either. Be clear with your own intentions despite it being uncomfortable to discus.

Their Dating Profile Continues Updating

If their photos, prompts, or location keep changing, there’s a good chance they’re still active on dating apps. Some apps even show recently active users.

They Seem Emotionally Distracted

Sometimes people physically show up but emotionally remain unavailable. If someone feels inconsistent, detached, or only partially invested, it’s worth paying attention to. Ask clarifying questions to make sure it's not about work, friends, or something else before jumping to the conclusion.

Trust Your Intuition

This is my biggest piece of advice. Trust your gut, your intuition, as it usually sends signals to your body before your brain even knows what's going on. Healthy relationships usually feel stable and clear rather than confusing and anxiety-inducing. I've had both and know what to look for at this point, though sometimes it's still hard to suss out. You're human, so give yourself grace.

Yes, dating websites and apps absolutely can work, though more and more the cases seem rare. Maybe that's just my algorithm. Many people meet serious partners, spouses, and even their life partner online. Dating apps have become one of the most common ways couples meet today.

On the flip side, dating apps are simply an introduction, a door, a way to introduce yourself to someone you don't yet know. It's not a guarantee for compatibility or healthy relationships. Those pieces of the puzzle still require the good old fashioned communication, emotional availability, compatibility, consistency, shared values, and timing.

I think dating apps work best when people approach them with realistic expectations and healthy boundaries rather than treating them as a guaranteed solution to loneliness or connection. If you look to the apps for a solution, you may feel lonelier and more lost than ever.

I don’t think dating apps are that amazing, and I don’t think they’re completely terrible either. For some people, they lead to burnout, disappointment, and emotionally draining experiences. For others, they lead to meaningful relationships, personal growth, and even finding a life partner. A lot of it depends on tolerance and personality.

At the end of the day, dating apps are simply one way to meet people. The most important thing is maintaining healthy boundaries, staying realistic about modern dating, and remembering that your self-worth should never be determined by matches, messages, or someone else’s inconsistency.

Dating apps may or may not work for you, but I think the healthiest approach is using them intentionally without losing yourself in the process.

If you liked this opinionated piece, you might also like what I wrote about being not interested in dating or how to raise your self-worth.

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