How to Make a Friendship Better

Friends have always been part of my life. Much of my youth I had them because of proximity and nothing more. The kids that lived across town from me were a treat to spend time with outside of school because our parents rarely wanted to bother toting us from one house to the other. It was easier for them to have us play in our own backyards, literally and figuratively. College was about who was around as well, and the fact that we spent much of our lives going to class or partying.

Now that I am an adult, have gotten to know myself better, and made some lifestyle choices that suit me, my friends look a lot different. My choices are fewer because life does that to us as adults, but the quality of my friend circle is top-notch. Most of the friends I have now I made as an adult. Not all, but most. It’s taken effort, and i’m here to tell you that the effort is completely worth it. The good friends in my life have contributed to my life in ways I never could’ve imagined, and I believe they feel the same about me. Since I’ll focus on the here and now friends, I’ll dive into how to make a friendship better. It’s a topic I am fluent in, and I’ll share all that I know right here. Let’s enhance those new and existing friendships.

The strength of my friendships is essentially the strength of me. I’ve chosen people in my life over the years that bring an element to my life that I feel I cannot live without. My personality is a very strong one, and I can be deemed “a lot” to some people. Intensity is one of the words I would describe about myself, and my friends would as well.

This is going to be a blog about intentionality behind relationships that will make your world a better place. I’m not talking about acquaintances here; I’m talking real deal friendships where you expose your soul and connect on much deeper levels. It’s a combination of how to connect with people and how to be yourself around these people that you call friends. I have an ability to build friendship very easily, go deep, and also know when to call it if a friendship turns in a direction I don’t want to go. I’m really excited to share this knowledge with you.

My Curious Friend and Me

Friendship is important for several reasons. In many cases, it’s the lifeline to a more exuberant life because you are choosing these people to be there with you in life. A great friend is who becomes your ride-or-die. Who gets you through many of your hardships, and celebrates you like you’ve won an Academy Award for stuff you wouldn’t think to even recognize in your life. Once you experience the depth of a close friend or friends, you know that you can never live another day in your life without them. It may not be with the same people forever, but you know there are people to whom you can connect that make your world a brighter place. So let’s go over why friendship is so important - in all of our lives.

Show up as Your Truest, Weirdest Self

There is nothing like letting it all hang out. Many of us go through life not feeling comfortable enough to express ourselves because of social, familial, or other restrictions that get put on us at a young age. When you get to know truest yourself and then find your people, as I have, the weird comes out and you know your crew is there for it all. In fact, it gives them license and agency to let their truest selves present as well. It’s a gift to everyone around when you can connect on this level of comfort, and friendship is the best place this can happen.

Your Health Benefits

My emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, and physical health are at an all-time high since creating and sustaining the deep connections to friends that I have. In fact, I have never been healthier in my life, and I attribute a lot of my health to feeling a deep sense of calm and peace. My friends and I encourage each other to be better people, to ourselves and to others. It makes for a very good recipe of overall health. We are in a constant journey together of being our best selves, and I couldn’t be more grateful for these people.

They Talk Sense into You

Who hasn’t gone off the rails one or one hundred times a week? I absolutely love having my friends either sternly or gently tell me when I am in said state of mind. Because I analyze things to smithereens, I tend to get a bit obsessive about any given topic until I feel that I fully understand the whole picture. Ultimately it’s a good thing, but having these friends that let me go on and on is priceless. And believe you me when I say that they put me right back on when I get off that sane wagon. They are good reminders of who I am, what I stand for, and how I choose to conduct myself in life, and that just feels good.

Being Questioned is a Good Thing

When I think I want to test the waters and, say, get back in touch with an ex or something like that, I have my friends to kindly pump my brakes and remind me of the reasons their title is “ex” in the first place. Or, if I have some harebrained idea that I may think is momentarily good, they may ask me some discovery questions to make sure I’m not losing my entire mind. If I didn’t have these good friends in my life, who knows where I would be. Being questioned (with kindness) is one of the best reasons to have good friends and friendships, even if you feel uncomfortable at first when this happens. 

Lonely No More

Even when I choose to be alone, I know I am not lonely. My friends and I talk all the time, send each other lovey memes over social media, and are in contact so much that I feel their love 24/7. Good friends of mine and I are low key obsessed with each other and we don’t even try to hide it. Any chance to chat or hang out is taken, and we always let each other know we are there for one another. Having solid friendships is something that I have grown to appreciate because of the warmth and love that I feel at all times, near or far. I am never lonely because of these humans that let me know regularly that I am loved.

Shoulders to Cry on

The amount of times I have cried to my friends and they have given me that space to do so is remarkable. There was a time in my life I would’ve rather die than cry to someone, but now…rivers if I need to. And they as well. I’ve been on the receiving end of a friend crying, and I welcome it. There’s not much more powerful than knowing you are the person someone trusts to show that level of vulnerability. It’s not something I take for granted for a moment. And I cherish them for letting me do the same. Friendships are an open can of worms for shoulders to cry on and hugs to be had.

My Travel Buddy

Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do to build a better friendship. Despite my current opinions on what we learn as we go through school, interpersonal relationships are still not on the curriculum. Simply meeting people is not going to be enough to form lasting relationships, so what do we do to reinforce being in each other’s lives? What I can share is that there are a lot of interesting people in the world. You don’t have to stay connected to them forever, but why not spice up your life by seeing if you want to spend more time with them?

I’ve made some choices that have helped me build friendships, solidify existing ones, and also known when someone is just not the right fit. Much of this has been through trial and error, and being self-taught. I’m going to show you exactly how I make start amazing relationships and then ultimately maintain them. Approach this with fun, not stress. Get out of that comfort zone because no one ever bloomed staying a mere bud.

Have Conflict and Resolution

There are a few friends of mine who I can really get uncomfortable with, which I believe is somewhat rare these days. My choice is to have very strong personalities around me, so many times we can go at it. The baseline for us is respect, though. We have this really deep respect and love for each other that exceeds our need to be right, and we always come to a resolution. We don’t always agree, and I absolutely love that about my relationships with these people. Who wants to be in a homogeneous world anyway? My spicy friends are the ones I enjoy the most because I know they challenge me to be a better version of myself. Don’t be afraid of conflict, and also don’t be afraid to resolve it. It’s the most important piece to this.

Exercise Curiosity

Curiosity is a big word in my life because it makes the world a brighter place to live. When you have no curiosity, you’re basically stagnant. I’ve known many people who exercise little to no curiosity about others, and I am quick to get away from them. For a short while, I got on a dating app. (I was curious about them!) When conversations with some of these men fell flat because they asked absolutely no questions about me, I was done. Can you imagine sitting at even a coffee with someone who asked nothing about you? With friends, it’s no different. Ask questions about your friends’ lives and it will deepen your connection to each other. A good friend will ask questions back, and you will have things to talk to all the time.

Try New Things Together

If you’re looking to get things more intimate with a friend, try something new with them. Going out to eat or having a cocktail is only so much fun, and after a while your social life feels rather stagnant. Because I like to try new things, I am always on the lookout for something different to try with my friends. One of my friends and I love to go dance together and also love ABBA, and when I found an ABBA themed DJ dancing night at a local bar, we bought tickets and went. Since they come every few months with this theme, it’s become our thing, and we invite others to join us. This type of activity solidifies our friendship and gets us out of the ordinary ho-hum of life. Find something new and experience it together.

Embrace Each Other’s Differences

People who cannot have different thinkers around them often struggle with connection, I think. Having a diverse set of friends has really broadened my ways of thinking and accepting people. There’s nothing worse than thinking you’ll be rejected for core belief systems or opinions you carry. To make your friends feel safe with you, it’s important to open your mind and heart to something that may be different from you. If you perceive this as a threat, it might be time to do some inner work. The ability to have and express differences and embrace another person is a way to bond if you let it be. I absolutely love that I have friends who are wildly different, and they accept me for my differences as well.

Accept Invitations from People

The answer is always “no” if you don’t ask or try, right? So why not say yes a little more, even if you think it may not be a good fit? Or, do the asking. I’m versed enough in life to know much of what I do and don’t want to do with my time, and I have set enough boundaries to know how far I’m willing to go with activities and people. If you’re still in the testing phases, though, I would encourage you to say yes to more than you’re used to.

When I was trying things out, I had a “year of yes” where I said yes to much that I would previously have been a no for me. It gave me a lot of date to gather about myself, and now I am the primary inviter of activities because now I know what I really enjoy. There are still many things I say yes to that I’m unsure about, and sometimes it’s good, sometimes not. But be willing to try, and you may end up with great friends as a result.

As Dani Rojas from “Ted Lasso” says “football is life,” I say “friendship is life.” It’s the biggest thing in my life that has moved the needle for me to be a better human in all areas. Friendship is not something to be taken lightly, as it is a level of connection and acceptance that we all absolutely need in life, right under food and water. Life can present many challenges and situations that make us feel uncomfortable, defeated, bummed out, or whatever else that can be perceived as negative. Having friends around you and in your corner changes the whole landscape of how you are able to handle these situations. Take it from someone who has very deep connections and very good friends: make this a priority in your life. You will thrive because of it. Yes, it can be challenging. But wow, is it ever worth it.

If you liked this blog, you may also want to read how to set boundaries with friends.

Subscribe to my amusing, informational, and fun newsletter that comes out every other Friday by clicking here.

Some of the links may go to my affiliate account. If you purchase from one, you're helping me grow my business. Thank you!